yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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