you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize