It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
