i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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