Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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