You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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