It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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