she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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