Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
