her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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