So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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