So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize