just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
