Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
