I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
