apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
