i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
