This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
