I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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