It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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