My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
this hospital has no fireball
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
