ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
did you just send me my own nude
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
