I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i believe in u and ur pee
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
