gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
birth control should be required to get into college
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
