The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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