I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Your cock deserves a montage
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize