He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my shit smells like andre
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
