just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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