We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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