My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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