i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
