I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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