just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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