P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
