she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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