Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
