Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
