im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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