I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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