Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
