Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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