I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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