On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
