she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
