she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
