Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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