: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
