but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
