She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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