I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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