You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You are the jesus of drinking
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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