just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
