I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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