I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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