How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
