a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
