Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
