Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
