Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
