I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
