glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
