She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You smell like stripper and shame
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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