It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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