I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
