I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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