that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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