my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
