and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Pants are for mortals
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
