call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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