I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
